Last Friday, I sat in a memorial service for my friend. The day before, we stood silently as his
ashes were locked behind a marble tablet at Mira Mar National Cemetery. The
tablet is currently blank with just a simple piece of paper affixed to it –
Thomas A. Turner, Jr. In 3-4 months, the tablet will be replaced with the
permanent marker:
Thomas A. Turner, Jr.
Lieutenant Colonel, USMC
3/1/43 – 10/18/15
“Thanks for dropping by, but I’m not here”
We placed the ashes and it was goodbye. We had the memorial
service and it was goodbye. People spoke and shared what an amazing man
Tom was. It is incredible how one person can impact so many. Tom, who was such a quiet and humble man, touched
so many in significant and profound ways. Each time I say goodbye to someone I love, a
piece of my heart goes with them. I
piece I will never recover. But now it’s a goodbye and we push on.
We push “through” life, moving forward, trying to better
ourselves, trying to better our life. Part of that “betterment” is to
constantly remind ourselves that there is always, always something to be
thankful for. No matter how good or bad life
is, we need to wake up each day thankful for our life, because someone
somewhere is desperately fighting for their life. Kind of a sobering thought.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize that happiness is
not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Peace is not about a quiet life, it’s about
knowing when to press into God to receive His peace in the midst of the storm. We are called to appreciate what we have,
instead of focusing on what we’ve lost. It’s not what the world takes away from
us that counts; it’s what we do with what we have left that matters.
I recently found a great list of things to keep in
mind. Here’s my take on it:
1. Pain is part of life. We grow through pain. Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time
to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless
circumstances force us to. When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain
comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it
taught you. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every
great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Everything is
going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually. A great thing to repeat over and over in your
head is that “God’s got this.” A lot of
pain comes from being in a fallen world, but God also shapes us through
pain. It is how He molds us. There are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts
and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it,
both kinds help you grow.
2. Everything in
life is temporary. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you
get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – we are reminded of
this every morning, but still we forget, and begin to believe that the night
will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever. If you are in a good place right now, enjoy
it. It won’t last forever. If things
are bad, don’t worry because it won’t
last forever either. Every breath gives you a new beginning and a new
ending. You get a second chance, every second. Just because life isn’t easy at
the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh and it doesn’t mean you can’t look for
the hidden blessing. There is truth to
the old adage that “every cloud has a silver lining.”
3. Worrying and
complaining changes nothing. Those who complain the most, accomplish the
least. It’s a cliché but … spending today complaining about yesterday won’t
make tomorrow any brighter. Take action instead. Let what you’ve learned grow
you. Happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your
problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have and
the blessings God has given you. There is
always, always something to be thankful for.
4. Your scars are
symbols of your strength. Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left
you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you
conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. See your
scars as a sign of strength, not pain.
5. Every struggle is
a step forward. Patience is not
about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working towards a
goal. If you’re going to do something,
go all in. Otherwise, why start at all?
I often think patience is a test of our determination, of how much we really
want it. And, struggles along the way
are just rocks along the path. The path
is still clear and visible, we just have to sidestep the rocks. Struggles are
not found on the path, they are the path.
Each struggle we overcome moves us further toward our goal.
6. Other people’s
negativity is not your problem. Be positive when negativity surrounds you.
Smile when others try to bring you down. It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm
and focus. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.
You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do
people do things because of you. They do things because of them. So worry about yourself before you worry about
what others think.
7. What’s meant to
be will eventually, BE. True
strength comes when you have much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to
smile and appreciate your life instead. There are blessings hidden in every
struggle you face, but you have to be willing to see them. You can’t force things
to happen. My mother used to describe it
as trying to force a river to run uphill.
At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE. Another way to say it is Let God be God. He does it much better than we do.
8. The best thing
you can do is to keep going. Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again,
to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let loss or a hard
lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst
times. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go
wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut
forever, but you won’t… morning will come. Sometimes you have to go through the
worst, to arrive at your best.
Life can be tough, even brutal, but you are tougher. Find
the strength to laugh every day. Find the courage to be different. In the end, loving your life is about
trusting God, taking risks, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the
memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. Bottom line is: You might not end up exactly
where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you
need to be. Live simply. Love
generously. Speak truthfully. Work diligently. Pray often. Trust God. Keep growing.
And when we're gone, we're gone ....
“Nice of you to stop by, but I’m not here”
