When it's only a whisper ...

I've often sat in Sunday service listening to messages about how God is with you through the storms, He is there even when you can't hear him or things seem off-course. I sit there next to this man I adore, aware of the job I love and fresh from the house that's my haven.  I think wow I'm so glad the storms are behind me. I've definitely been in the storms, hurricanes, tornadoes and even flood, famine and fire. But in the last 12 years, and most specifically last 6 years, it's been pretty calm, glassy waters.  I know there will always be storms, but mine seems more like California storms.  "Major Winter Storm Warning" flashes in blue across the television screen, The news casters announce that we may get as much as 1/2 inch of rain.  Board up the windows and batten down the hatches, it's coming!  When it's over, it didn't even wash my car.  I've benn blessed with California storms and just wash my own car.

Then I decided to change jobs! Yes, I decided...it's all on me. I had good, sound reasoning. Did my due diligence - prayer, wise counsel, scripture - more prayer, more prayer and more prayer.  After all, I was leaving God's house and heading back into the "real" world.  It's kind of like breaking up with God, not really but felt like it.  So lot's of prayer, making sure God was in this.  We prayed.  We went to a few trusted friends to seek their advice, listen to their thoughts (hmmmm can I blame this on them?). I had my prayer posse praying for months as the decisions were made. We read scripture.  We made the decision and slept on it 7 weeks.  I gave 3 months notice.  I am a quick decision maker, QUICK!   I think quick, I move quick.  Mick,  being the accountant he is, makes lists, uses the white board (the crazy BIG white board), does the research, processes and thinks ... then does it all again, and again. I get lightening bolts of inspiration and go.  I move quick, and decisive, mostly led my intuition, gut and my ongoing chatter with God.  I take risks, Mick takes notes.  Yes a good team.  We did both. 

I often talk about God being loud.  I have been aware of God my whole life.  It's like He lived down the street.  I'd see Him as I drove past, often wondered about Him. I'd see the parties He had, people coming and going from His house.  I'd wave as I drove by, He'd wave back.  He'd always look a little sad as I drove by and I'd always feel a little left out, but never enough to stop and just invite myself in.  After all, I was busy, life for the most part was good. I didn't really need Him in my life.  Plus I hear He has lots of rules to follow.

One day as I drove by, my car broke down in front of His house (metaphorically of course).  He invited me in and I then realized why He always looked a little sad as I zipped by - He has always been inviting me in.  I just was always too busy, too independent to recognize it. Once in His house, I found out He was my father, my friend, my confidant, my savior.  All that time I could have just pulled up, parked and walked into His house, into His arms.  Of course I was too stubborn and it took my "car" (aka life) breaking down to lead me to Him.  Anyway I totally digress ....

Since going from just a neighborly wave with Him to living in His embrace, He has become exceptionally loud in my life.  As decisions are made, plans are adopted, as life moves forward, He is there - loud and bold - clearly identifying the path.  When things get cloudy, I can almost hear Him shout "this way!"   One of my favorite phrases, "when God is loud."  For me, He has been loud for the last 12 years.

Back to current events.  I've change jobs, moved to new responsibilities, activities, routines and people.  "Major Winter Storm Warning". I missed that announcement.  Rain is pouring by the inches, the clouds are dark and heavy and the trees look like monsters swaying in the wind.  It's a storm.  A storm unlike any I have experienced in many years. My fathers house that has comforted me and kept me safe, feels far away. And my God who is so loud seems to be whispering.  I strain to hear His whispers, but the rain and rustling of the tree monsters drown out His words.

I recognize I have been blessed by so few storms over the past 12 years.  I am blessed that I have had such a loud God giving me an unbridled confidence in Him. Nothing about this has changed.  I will wait out the storm, listening to the whispers, remain in Him.  I will wait for the whispers to once again be loud.

There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.

Endings. As you look at endings, inevitably you reflect on the beginnings. I’ve learned that my life moves forward in of a series of breakdowns and reconstructions. Such times haven’t exactly been frequent in my life, but they have represented important turning points. There have been three times I can recall where I’ve hit a crossroads resulting in significant change, and ultimately significant growth.  Each has been associated with work.  The first was leaving Civil Engineering to run my mother’s New Age bookstore.  The second was climbing out on a ledge and starting my wholesale import company.  The third was leaving the bookstore and my wholesale companies, meeting God and following His lead into ministry.  It is always difficult to make changes in life.  They say change will come when the pain of staying the same is worse than the pain of change. Ten years ago God brought me to work at North Coast by way of one of these changes or reconstructions.  Today he is releasing me from North Coast and leading me in new directions.

At the beginning of my relationship with Mick, we had a period of time where we worked together.  We have often reflected that it was the best time in our lives.  We work well together.  That said, a year ago Mick became partner in Premier Signs in San Marcos.  January 1, 2015  I will pick up an additional percentage of the company and take over as General Manager.  I have a passion for small business, particularly businesses struggling but with the foundation for success.  This opportunity and the ability to once again work with Mick has lead me to the difficult, and painful, decision to leave my position at North Coast effective December 31.  I know God is releasing me and I know He is preparing the path ahead.

I first came to North Coast by way of a class taught by Rabbi Barney Kasden.  I was coming out of the New Age, a believer in God - but not a follower of His ways or commands.  My life was in shambles.  It's funny how you can spin your life.  When I turned 40, I was married, had a very successful retail business and a fast growing wholesale import/manufacturing business.  I was offered a partnership/merger with two adjoining companies.  It was bright lights, shiny and new.  It was truly the lure of the world and all that it encompasses. World travel, money and the prestige of being a VP of 3 merged companies.  No thought - I jumped, I ran for it.  By 42, I was divorced, my bookstore had an unexplained fire and burnt, my partnerships had severely soured and I was both emotionally and financially bankrupted.  I sat in my office late one night talking to God.  I didn't know Him well enough to even blame Him.  It was more through exhaustion and the fog of battle, that I said show me where to go and I'll go.  The phone rang and my sister invited me to a class on biblical archaeology.  Really God?  This is what you've got for me?  Rocks and ruins?  I’m a mess and you give me rocks?  I went.  Whenever there was something unexplained Rabbi Barney said "it's a God thing."  Over and over I heard "it's a God thing" and then it became clear.  My life needed to be a 'God' thing, instead of a 'me' thing.  I turned and reconstruction began.

Three years later, I began working at North Coast.  It's hard to explain what a profound and life-altering experience it has been.  The leadership and staff have molded me, grown me, changed me and extracted from me character and a passion I never knew I had.  They taught me how to love God and how to love His people.  They taught me how to see others as God sees them. They instilled in me a desire to care for His children.  They taught me grace, mercy and love - Gods love.  For this I am eternally grateful.  As I leave this chapter of my life, it is bittersweet as I will so very much miss the North Coast team and the wisdom they hold.  Every day I see God through their actions, their service and their hearts.  Every day, without exception. But this part of my story is over, this chapter complete and it’s time to turn the page.

 

“There’s a trick to the 'graceful exit.' It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry,  that we are moving up, rather than out.”
― Ellen Goodman

 

 

Whose armor are you wearing?

In Ephesians 6:11, the  bible says put on the Armor of God. "Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."  The armor as outlined includes: truth, peace, faith, salvation and the Word of God and Prayer.  Romans 13:12:  "The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light."  So, how do we put these on?  It's a great visual - easily pictured in my mind.  Each day work towards living a life of truth, peace and faith.  Spend time in the Word of God and Go to Him in prayer. Make sense to me.  

Two years ago we spent 12 days in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; evangelizing of all things (not exactly my comfort-zone).  The theme of the mission trip, if there is such a thing, was the armor of God. We had gone with the intent of spending most of the time on the streets of the favelas run by drug traffickers.  With Gods unique sense of humor, He moved us to schools and after-school programs talking to kids, mostly about how to not end up as drug traffickers.  We had brought with us a toy costume of the armor of God.  [now it does beg the question WHY had we brought a kids costume when we anticipated talking to grownup drug lords, but anyway...]

As we spoke to the kids, we went thru the process of putting each piece of armor on one by one.  Once they were fully armored, we showed them how their back was still exposed and that is where God stood - He gives you armor to put on and covers your back.  And the only way to stay safe in the world they lived in, full of violence, drugs and evil, was to put on the armor of God and ask him to cover you.  Seems so simple.  But is that the only armor we put on.  And if we are wearing a different armor, is there room for God's armor?

In a message last night by Jeff Moors, he talked about Saul giving David his armor to put on before he went to fight Goliath.  David walked around and after a few minutes removed the armor.  He wasn't used to it, it wasn't his and quite possibly it didn't fit.  But the truth was David didn't need it, He had Gods armor and God covering him.

Where was this message when I was 20?  I spent a lot of years putting on armor that others handed me or that I randomly picked up thinking I should wear it.  I let others expectations, opinions, lifestyles and gifting create this weight that I willingly adorned and carried around.  I somehow thought that taking on others armor would be the protective covering I needed to succeed, or not be hurt; to prevent damage, mostly emotional, from being inflicted.  As long as I was more like this person or that person, has this character trait or skill or looked this way or that, then I'd be ok.  I wouldn't get damaged by this world.  But the armor never fit - it was someone else's.  Even today in my "maturity" I'll occasionally be tempted to pick up someone else's armor, just to try on for size.

But then I remember, the only armor I need is the one God gives me and asked me to put on, and once on, He provides protection.  He covers my back, fights the darkness and fills my soul.  Other people's armor is exactly that - theirs.  Mine is mine.  And God's is God's.  Quite simple when you think about it.  So are you wearing armor that is not yours?  And by wearing it, are you keeping yourself from fully embracing the Armor of God?

To bask or not to bask....

Sitting in a poolside lounger looking directly out to the Pacific Ocean, waves crashing, cool breeze - the perfect Southern California day.  Watching 15 Jordan leaders play beach volleyball while others surf and most likely some still sleep. The message last night centered around how each of us is uniquely wired with a specific skill set, emotional structure, perspective on life.  We have limitations and we have strengths coming together to make us perfect in Gods eyes. Consider this - your weaknesses make you as perfect as your strengths.  God wires us, God has a plan for us, God doesn't make mistakes.  I could end this thought right here. 

As we started our morning, we were told to ponder how much God loves us.  I sat and thought - yep, I got nothing.  Talking to Mick he said just look around, look at the sand, the waves, the sky - the beauty of what God provides to us.  Bask in it!  THAT'S how much God loves you.  Yep, I still got nothing.

Bask -  1.     to lie in or be exposed to a pleasant warmth: to bask in the sunshine.

             2.

   to  enjoy a pleasant situation:  He basked in royal favor

Ok I get that.  From a completely logical perspective.  But to settle into "basking" - not so much.  So if I don't "bask" or "revel" do I believe any less? Am I less obedient?  We stood and worshipped in the Ocean Beach One church last night.  It was hard not to ponder how the  Jordan team worshipped with open abandon.  Praising God,  hands raised, faces turned to the heavens, voices loud and clear.  Total abandon to God.  It was inspiring but I couldn't help but wonder:  if your praise is quiet, if your worship is reserved - does God appreciate it any less?

The British dictionary adds to the "bask" definition:   to flourish or feel secure under some benevolent influence or favorable condition. Now that I totally get.  To feel secure under a benevolent influence, I.e. God.   Secure.  If I looked for one word to describe how I feel about my relationship with God, it's secure.   Secure under a benevolent influence - love that.  

So back to wiring.  God has wired me to "bask" by being secure.  Others to "bask" by observation of the beauty He provides. And yet others to "bask" by worshipping in total abandon.  God made us, wired us and recognizes that each of us has our own form of basking in Him.  It doesn't matter how we do it, how we express ourselves ... only that we do. 

Where is God taking you?  Is He releasing you from one place, one station, one pattern and moving you to another?   I just came across the word "release" and was intrigued by it.  Release: 1.  to free from confinement, bondage, obligation, pain, etc.; let go.  2.  to free from anything that restrains, fastens, etc.:  to release a catapult.   Of course it doesn't have to be bad, release from a bad place.  It can just be good change or necessary endings. I think I took it as moving from one  station or pattern of growth to another.  Then again, how about that word catapult? 

Certainly, God occasionally catapults us to new stations.  I'm a relatively quick adapter, so I am all about the catapult - throw me in, get me muddy.  I'll figure it out.  But let's get it over with.  Slow releases are difficult for me.  But telling God to step it up a bit is never a very good idea.  I just like to know the full action plan right up front, all laid out.

So these days, it's about the whispers.  Are you hearing Gods whispers? His promptings?  Jeremiah 29:11 ... For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord....  Sometimes, we have to sit, quite, read, listen to hear His voice, his Words, His promptings, His whisper, His direction, His release.

Every day...
Slow
Breath
Quiet
Listen
Slow
Breath
Quiet
Listen
Every day....

So again, are you too busy trying to get to where Gods taking you, to hear where Gods taking you?

I RAN INTO THIS TODAY ... LOVED IT, SO THOUGHT I'D SHARE.

I’m sitting across from Brene Brown. Our legs, as she calls it, criss-cross-apple-sauce.

Me: What does it mean to you, to live a good life?

Brene: A good life happens when you stop and are grateful for the ordinary moments that so many of us just steamroll over to try to find those extraordinary moments. To me, my good life is soccer practice, and carpool line. And tuck-ins. And date night. That’s the good life for me. And knowing that it’s good. Acknowledging and stopping and saying that it’s good.

There’s a classic book by Richard Carlson called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and It’s All Small Stuff.

What if instead thinking about the small stuff as something to be sweated, we found the grace in it’s existence? The seed of gratitude.

An invitation to learn. To connect. To release into ease. To allow your good life to unfold.

That’s the call. The invitation. The invocation.

How will you answer?

Change of Address?

Have you ever been driving down a freeway or road, maybe even heading home, lost in your thoughts and suddenly look up and realize you missed your exit?  Or traveled too far without paying attention and now you're lost?  It's interesting how we can travel along going in the right direction, everything seeming fine and suddenly look up and realize we're lost.  Sometimes it's not until the scenery changes that we notice we're in the wrong place.

I have an iPhone 5.  I use the map feature fairly often, love being able to see the little blue dot traveling along pinpointing my exact location. In the car this week, my friend said "Do you want directions?"  She then proceeded to hit a button, Siri came on to guide me to the building we were seeking.  I knew the map, I knew the blue dot - I didn't know Siri could talk me thru it!  I've since tried to get Siri to talk from the map feature, but she remains silent!  Yes for someone so technical, I have moments of being completely challenged.  Mostly because I never read instruction books.

Yesterday I watched Mick and our friend Jeremy assemble a curio cabinet in my living room floor. Mick tells Jeremy he's in charge of the directions and heads outside to gather tools.  Jeremy grumbles along reading the instructions, saying he hates reading instructions. In the process he says the most interesting thing ... "God's lucky I like him so much since the bibles actually an instruction book."

So I've been thinking about maps, directions, instruction books.  If we move our physical address, we have to get acquainted with our new surroundings - new grocery stores, new gas stations, new take out, where's the closest sushi or the best street tacos.  If our new home has CCRs or an alarm or we buy new furniture, we have to read instructions, contracts or directions to get settled in, to bypass errors, to keep from blundering.

But what if we change a different address? We have a new job, new relationship, new friend, new nemesis, new project, health issue, desire, study, class, crisis, etc etc.  Do we ask for direction?  Do we go to the instruction book? Do we look for the blue dot to see where we are and what is the correct route to take?

We are always on the move - changing this, changing that.  Seeking new levels of satisfaction - whether it's sushi or jobs, relationships or tacos.  We change addresses all the time.  God has one address, never changing.  He tells us where He is, where to find Him, gives us the instruction book.  Always available.  We just need to read the instruction book, follow His lead and keep our eye on the blue dot so we don't wander into an unfamiliar neighborhood.