Semper Fi, Captain Lawrence W Jordan USMC, 1932-1965.

Dear Dad

When I think about you there are so many things I want to remember.  I want to remember walking hand in hand with you.  I want to remember you reading me a bedtime story.  I want to remember you throwing me in the air and catching me or riding high up on your shoulders. I want to remember the little things.  I also want to remember the big things...teaching me to ride a bike,  helping me with homework, threatening a first boyfriend, seeing me graduate, walking me down the aisle. But my memory jar is empty. You left to soon. I was too young.

Though I didn't know you, you taught me the most valuable lessons in life. You taught me to be strong. You taught me to bear pain. You taught me about honor, valor and what it means to die for a cause ... for God and country. Big lesson for a little girl who just misses having a daddy.  But life lesson for the adult daughter of a hero. You may think that I was too young, that I would miss it all, you may think I didn't see, that I hadn't heard, but I got every life lesson that you taught me even though you weren't here.  I got every word, it's written on my heart.  Without you I wouldn't be woman I am today. Even without your physical presence, I've grown up with your values, understanding your courage, knowing your sacrifice, with you as my foundation.

You weren't there when I skinned my knee to chase away my tears; to help me when things were hard in school; to guide me through my fears as I navigated life. When I was old enough to drive a car, it wasn't you who taught me how.  But you have always been my guiding star teaching me about righteousness, justice, morality and honor. So this memorial day I say a prayer and thank the Lord for the father I never knew but taught me so very much. Semper Fi, Captain Lawrence W Jordan USMC, 1932-1965.

The Chart of Your Life

Imagine for a moment that your standing in front of a gigantic chart that tracks the movement of the stock market from almost the beginning of the last century. You see a series of peaks and valleys corresponding to various historic events. There is a serious down draft during the Depression. But look. After it bottoms out, the line goes up. Invariably goes up.

Notice the 1987 stock market crash. See that abrupt drop? I remember that one. The feeling that swept the nation was that the market would never, ever come back. But look. It did. Look at the new highs the U.S. stock market achieved in the 1990s.

The markets are a lot like life. Things happen. There are peaks and valleys. And there are events that send our lives plunging—sometimes to record depths. We think we will never, ever recover. But we do. Things get better.

So what does the chart of your life look like? Peaks? Valleys? Where are you now? If you are in a valley of unemployment and uncertainty with fog and darkness all around, grab on to this truth: This will not last forever. Things will change. For sure there are upswings and new peaks in your future. There are seasons of joy and prosperity ahead.

One day you will look at this chart of your life again, in another context, from another vantage point. You’ll be able to see the upturn that followed this difficult time. You recovered. You’ll look back and wonder how you ever made it through. But you did! I’m certain that you’ll say that as difficult as it was, you are grateful for all you learned, for all the ways your character was strengthened and for the ways this season of your life prepared you to handle what was, and is, to come.

Just hang onto that truth right now. Mark today’s date on your calendar. Write about it in your journal. And whatever you do, don’t give up. You may be in a valley right now, but an upturn is coming!

Pump up the Volume

What do you do when God is loud?  When I first began my Christian walk I was blown away by how loud God was, how clearly I felt lead.  Had he always been this loud and was I just not listening?  Or when I turned my life over to him, did the volume go up?  There was a movie from 1990 staring an early Christian Slater called Pump up the Volume.  How this movie relates to a Christian walk is beyond me (and much of the content is probably not appropriate), but I love the premise.  It's basically about a teen with a pirate radio station who creates a cult following as he delivers  social commentary about the state of teenage life.   He coins the phrase Talk Hard meaning talk real...talk about what's going on, what's real, what hurts, what matters.  Talk Hard.  I think this is what God wants from us.  Pray Hard.  Pray about what's real, what hurts, what matters.  Then listen.  Sometimes you have to listen hard.  There doesn't seem to be a lot of shaking and moving.  Life is going along...sort of status quo.   You may be asking.  You may be in wait.  But life is good and all is quiet.

Then it gets loud....

One of my prayers everyday is for God to use me for his will.  Show me what and where Lord and I'll go (or stay). Each day I find opportunities before me...mostly little ones, but none the less, opportunities that I can respond to Gods calling. People, places, things. So life is good.  My plate is full.  Some say very full.  And in the midst, a shift ... and God gets loud.  He has pumped up the volume.  He is calling.  A new path is before us.

Time to pray hard ...  pray that we be used well, for His will, for His glory, in His timing, for His people. Faith is having enough trust in God to follow him even when it doesn't make sense, you don't know where it's going or your plate is already full and he's calling anyway.  On Belay.

Just a piece of clay...

Haven't posted in a while.  Watching the world and how fast it spins.   I watched a new baby come into the world and watched a young mom say last goodbyes to her children. Heard of friends who finally married after being together for 32 years and counseled a couple being torn apart after only a year. Watched a couple get engaged in the snow on an ice skating rink in Chicago and I watched a friend take her last breath in her husbands loving arms. And God was present for it all. 

We all know there is a cycle of life.  There are seasons.  Good seasons. Tough seasons. And in it all we have choice.  Maybe not choice in what happens both to and around us, but choice in how we respond, how we move forward, how we determine our gratefulness, how we act.  ACT ....  either how we respond or what action we take.   In all, God is present.  In all, there are blessings.  In all, there is a choice to respond. And in all is a faithful God. 

Lately, I have been feeling like I am stuck in some kind of a holding pattern, neither moving forward nor back.   This is something I am not used to.  I have tremendous faith in our God.  Everyday, almost without fail, I look up, look to God and say Let's go!  Bring it on!  Use me for your will. I do believe this keeps life moving fast.  Abide in Him.   Yet I am somewhat on pause.  Hmmmmm.....am I meant to be learning something.  Do I need to slow down to learn?  And learn what?  God, what are you asking?

I love to cook.  I LOVE to eat.  Mick too.  It's one of our love languages. Food....yum!  But, a month ago Mick and I changed. In order to respond well to the things happening around or to us, we changed.  How do you change? How do you take on a challenge given to you?  Act....act intensly with focus. Mick and I are in the middle of facilitating our 12th Financial Peace class.  We KNOW if you want to live differently, you have to start thinking differently.  You have to make different choices.  It's not a game - it's serious...you have to be all in.  Want change? Act.

God gives blessings. God is faithful.  How we respond is up to us.  We are not powerless to our life.  You want to live debt free, it's a daily choice.  You want a good marriage, it's a daily choice.  You want to eat differently, it's a daily choice.  You want to be happy, it's a daily choice.  We have the ultimate power, the power to respond well.  That too is a God given gift!  God gives us the power to act. 

So when it is quiet.  When life is paused. Listen.  And if He asks - Act.  Maybe during the quiet times, he is redirecting you, reforming you, preparing you for the next step. 

He is the potter, we are the clay.

To my friend....

Today I saw God.  Or at least God in action.  I witnessed a young mom sit before a camera and record messages to each of her children saying goodbye.  It’s hard to put into words what went thru my head.  First and foremost – wow.  She was so eloquent.  She spoke to the camera like each of her 5 children was sitting at her feet.  She gave them wisdom, encouraged them to grow to be Godly men and women, to marry Godly spouses, to care for one another and most importantly to love God.  Wow.   I kept thinking over and over, “This is grace.”  Not the grace we speak of as Christians, but grace in the form of beauty, elegance and charm.  There are moments in your life you will always remember, moments to be cherished … this was one for me.  I felt honored, humbled and totally unworthy to witness this beauty.

I am not sure why we need to make everything about us, but I guess its human nature.  As I try to come alongside this family, I can’t help relating it to my own life. My friend is dying from brain cancer.  I took care of my mother for 9 months as she battled brain cancer.  The similarities are striking, so I have to keep reminding myself that every journey is different.   My mother was 60, my friend is 30.  My mother was a strong, fiercely independent woman but with a soft heart and warm spirit.  I can easily say the same about my friend.  The difference comes in that my father died before she did and she left behind two grown daughters.  The loss still left a huge hole but as adults we have different comprehension, different understanding and more memories to cling to.  My friend is 30.  Her husband is young.  Her children are young.  She is young. 

The other difference and I guess the thing that struck me the most as I watched her record her messages is her profound and I truly mean profound faith.  I consider myself strong in faith.  I don’t doubt God.  I walk in obedience.  I serve when called.  I abide in Him.  And, yet I heard my friends words to her husband, to her children, to her family….I was truly humbled.  I felt as if I was witnessing something that went so much deeper than what I can understand.  God is with her, right now, right here…guiding her, comforting her, bringing her peace.  He is there in all His strength and all His glory bringing her home.   Though the pain in her husband’s eyes, the confusion in her children’s faces is heartbreaking, it is both reassuring and an honor to witness her journey and the legacy she will leave with her children. And wow is such a weak response but sometimes it is all you can say…

A Man Who can Dance

Years ago when I was randomly dating pretending to find "the one", I would often meet someone and be overly optimistic about their potential. I never was really looking for "the one" but every one I dated was run through my internal scantron checking system to see if they were "it!"  If they didn't quite fit I either adjusted the scantron or created imaginary traits. My mother called this my dreamer side, or sometime more accurately my delusional side.  The last few weeks I keep hearing the song I Hope You Can Dance by Lee Ann Womack....I flash back to dating 10 year ago, hoping, wishing, and praying for someone to take these lyrics to heart. For a short period of time they made up a majority of my scantron. 

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance

As I heard the song reappear on the radio recently, I realized I married a man who dances.  Not occasionally but every day.  Since we first met I have been in awe of his sense of wonder. He is intrigued by life, fascinated by people and has a hunger for the new... new people, new projects, new information, new adventures.   He takes nothing for granted, walks humbly before the Lord and every day, every single day strives to be a better person. And he dances...he enjoys...boldly, unabashedly, enthusiastically and with both feet in the water.  Sometimes he's a bit messy splashing in the water...like Gene Kelly in Singing in the Rain, jumping on and off the sidewalk, but you can't truly dance without some sense of abandon.   I approach both life and people with caution. Mick is fearless.  He gives freely of himself, his love, his knowledge, his joy.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance

God has so blessed me by connecting me to a man so different from myself...one who takes me in his arms and dances me through the streets, across the bridges, away from my fears and    always with the most gentle and greatest love.  He is my greatest blessing each and every day.

My Father, My Hero

God is in the details.  When we are traveling in other countries, or involved in a ministry event or something else that is entirely God focused, we see God in the details.   But other times during normal, daily life, God can seem very quiet.  But is He?  Or is it that we have so much static on the line we can’t hear him, or don’t choose to?  This past week God has been amazingly loud in so many ways.  I write everything in my head before I put it on paper so I keep virtually writing this blog then God spins me in a new direction and I start over so nothing is getting on paper.
  

I had an amazing God experience this week.  He is directing me, moving me in new directions….not sure exactly where but He is definitely in the details.  Friday night I heard some statistics on the Vietnam War that I questioned.  Once home I began to research which quickly got my head completely wrapped up in Vietnam.   For some time I have been thinking that I should gather my father’s pictures, certificates, metals, letters etc.  and put them in a MyPublisher book, since I seem to be the collector of the family archive information.  Saturday morning I pulled out the 3 tattered binders and began sorting out the military certificates from the letters from the pictures to prepare for the scanning process.
  

I spent hours lost in my dad’s life from enlisting at age 16 through dying at age 32.  I traveled through serving in Japan, the Subic Bay Philippines,  fighting in the Korean War and then on to the Vietnam War.  The certificates showed a life dedicated to his calling, dedicated to serving his country, dedicated to being a Marine – above all else a Marine.  He joined the Marines before even graduating High School, yet graduated Officers Candidate School 7^th in a class of 600.   He led a Drum and Bugle Corps, though he didn’t play an instrument and coached a football team, though he didn’t necessarily play.  And in almost every picture he looked into the camera with a slightly crooked smile and I got a sense that no matter where he was, there was no place he would have rather been.  A  Marine.
  

In 1964, he was stationed in Okinawa, CO of Hqtrs. Co. 9^th, over and over he asked to go to Vietnam.  Every Marine I know wants to be where the action is – it is what they are called for.  After 7 months of asking, in January 1965, he received orders to go into Vietnam for one month. He went. He died.  In his role as a military advisor he was sent to Binh Dinh province with two battalions of Vietnamese marines. He was killed along with 7 Vietnamese marines during a heavy clash in the mountainous region of Binh Dinh.  He had been in country for two weeks.  He was killed two months before the military action was declared in Vietnam which was officially the beginning of the “war.”   When they asked my mother why an officer with a non-combat, secure assignment would plead to go to the front line, her answer was simple, “It was because he was a Marine."

I sorted the photos which showed buddies and fellow marines from a half a century ago smiling into the camera full of pride, youth and passion for their call.  The piles of letters and commendations spoke of a father I never knew but of a hero I always imagined. I couldn’t help but be entranced by his military life and the pile of information I was compiling.
  

As I returned to work on Monday, I received a random email with facts about the Vietnam Wall.   I read through it curious about the timing as so much of the weekend had been spent in this era.  I tried to remember where my father’s name was on the wall.  I knew his name was on the first panel 1e at the apex as his sacrifice was so early in the action.
  

So here is the God part…I went to a website to find out exact placement on the Wall (1e Line 93):  http://thewall-usa.com/guest.asp?recid=26928
  

I looked up my father’s name, read the basic facts…birth, death, birthplace, etc.  Then the button.  A comments button.  I clicked expecting to see nothing.  After all he was killed 46 years ago.  Speechless, absolutely speechless. There are posting and comments about him.  He died 46 years ago…the most recent posting was Memorial Day 2011.  How is it possible? 46 years and people are writing amazing things about who he was, the marine he was and the sacrifice he made.  It’s hard to describe the impact this has had on me.  I had just turned 5 when my father was killed.  I never had a chance to know him.  But reading others words, voluntary words of men who knew him, who served with him posted on a website….that’s impact.
  

What does it mean? I don’t know.  Why is God putting all this in front of me now?  I don’t know.  But God is very loud right now, and I am listening intently.